Communication in Relationships

Have you ever considered there was a difference between communicating and expressing? Do you feel like your conversations stay on a need to know basis, and are, dare I say it - pedestrian? This post shares what amazing discoveries lie just below the surface if we let ourselves be vulnerable and open up to true communication in relationships. My show today was like being in the most wonderful cafe, having a conversation about communicating!

Essentially we found there was:

• Functional Communication - communication on a 'need to know basis' also known as pedestrian communication!
• A layer below that is where you share how you feel which opens up a whole world and helps us get to relationships that are forever evolving and developing.
• Also included in this layer below functional communication is a deeper care and respect for each other that comes as we develop this way of communicating with each other and can lead to more harmony in relationships. 

There is much more to this episode than I can possibly catch in bullet points so make sure you have a listen but I have attempted to catch just a smidgen of the essence below...

If you go a week only communicating the top level detail then 
you are missing in action when it comes to truly communicating in relationship.
Gabe Caplice

Do we communicate the essence of ourselves in our relationships or, are we human beings being functional?

Let's be honest, being tired and exhausted can lead to us being lazy in our communication in our relationships so this laziness can develop over time.

What could be in a deeper level of communication?

• What do we share at the end of our day
• What happened in our day
• How we felt about what happened in our day
• Our understandings or self reflections about what happened in our day
• Our hurts and the things that might have upset us during our day

When we get below the functional level we actually start connecting with each other. When one person shares in that more open way, it offers the other person the space to share in the same way.

Intimacy is an openness and a sharing of yourself with another person. The part of you that is funny, playful, cute, shy, confident, amazing, free and secure to share all of that.

Do we stay on the surface level/the functional level to avoid being hurt?

We all strive to be met in our lives yet can we expect to be met if we are only showing the version of ourselves we want others to see?

We have a personal responsibility to be open about who we are, we cannot expect people to just get us. It takes time as well, just because you have decided you are ready then you need to give the person you are with time to catch up.

When we get used to not being asked about how we feel, 
we shut down and give up and settle for functional

It is so much less tiring to be you than to be someone else, it is in fact, very natural to be ourselves. To hold our expression back, we create a tension inside which creates a fatigue on our body. Look at a young child who naturally expresses, their body is relaxed, flexible, tender, vulnerable. They have a strength in this vulnerability because they know who they are.

We need to adore each other and be adored each and every day. 
We need connection on that level.

The responsibility to communicate effectively rests with the person who is communicating. It is the job of the receiver to share if they are not understanding, or even to reflect back to check they have understood correctly.

Boxing people in doesn't give people the opportunity to change. Always love each other enough to give them the opportunity to change. 

Where to start?

• Open your mouth with no picture of what the outcome looks like?
• Give yourself permission to be vulnerable in your communication - to get it wrong, to not get the reply you expect or even want.
• Get to know yourself and express you at every opportunity.
• Find someone you trust with to practice.
• Be OK to get it wrong, be clumsy, love and care for yourself in your expression.
• Pay attention to how you speak to yourself, you may well be speaking much more harshly to yourself than you are to others. Be less critical of yourself.

There is always so much to learn as we develop more about communication in relationships - have fun - it is worth it :-)

Chatswood Sleeps Rough

Next Friday I am sleeping rough to raise funds for StreetWork.

StreetWork is a Sydney based charity helping young people aged between 11 and 18 who are "at risk".  StreetWork aims to help troubled young people affected by crime, violence, destructive family relationships, rejection and isolation, risk of homelessness, learning difficulties, truancy, poor employment opportunities and drug and alcohol dependency. 

I have been volunteering with them for the past 6 months and have seen first hand the engagement and inspirational changes from their work in the community. 

If you would like to sponsor me please check out this link...

http://www.chatswoodsleepsrough.com.au/donate/

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With thanks to...

With thanks to Triple H Fm for use of their airwaves for the live broadcast of this show, to Gabe and Annette and to Glorious Music for the use of their music in my show and podcast.